Digger's Diary #6: Inevitabilities of Becoming a "Gardener"

The first thing you must accept, when beginning to pursue the status of "gardener," is that you WILL be laughed at. And made fun of. I don't know why this is, but just about everyone, from hillbillies to radio personalities, has made it their business to let me know I am an idiot. No matter what I ask, be it a legitimate question or one which, in retrospect, I too realize was ridiculous, almost everyone responds with impatience, incredulity, or condescension. And half the time they don't even answer me!

Me: "what exactly does it mean to 'harden off' a plant?"
Gardener: "well--it means hardening off!!"
Me: O_O

Now, before I go painting all these people in a poor light, don't get me wrong. They are nice people and they want to help. And they will answer any question you have, insomuch as they can. But darned if they haven't all either been raised on a farm or completely robbed of their memories of having to learn this stuff themselves.

So, you will be laughed at. Get used to it, and don't let it stop you from asking questions. No matter how stupid.

The second thing: you will become a hoarder. You will. And here's why: gardening can actually become a terribly expensive occupation if you buy everything you need, and if what you buy is always whatever is actually intended for your project. Case in point: you want your tomato plant in a container. Non-hoarder: go to Lowe's, spend $40 on a good-sized planter, done. Hoarder: scour the alleys around your house like a filthy bum until you find a discarded bucket, suitcase, broken garbage can, or what have you that a) is the right size, b) can be drilled, and c) will hold dirt. And sometimes, as in the case of my 11 gorgeous discarded (not even broken!) old windows, you will find a find that you don't even have an intended project for. But god is it a FIND. Ditto the old rusty nail-filled carpet boards I scored off the side of the road. These have become the front of my compost bin. For freezy. Fills my heart with joy.

Accept these things, my friends. They, along with heartbreak over dead plants, fury at the neighbor's cat who WILL dig up your garlic and use your planter as a litter box (a**hole), and a host of other emotional extremes are the inevitable gardening experiences that I've finally come to accept. Le resigned sigh.

Easter Coconut Cake

Question: have you ever eaten coconut?  No, no. The bagged junk doesn't count. Who knows how long it's been there, or what kind of adulteration it's endured. So much flavor and texture is lost. That's why I prefer this recipe, which calls for the processing and use of your own fresh coconut. It's a bit of a hassle, but once you get the hang of it it's not hard at all, and believe me-

Believe me-

you'll be glad you did it.

I love making cakes in general, but coconut cake is among my favorites. It's a complicated procedure, sure, but to me that makes the successful final product that much more exciting. The recipe I use is directly from Good Eats, no alterations. We now refer to Alton Brown as "Uncle Alton" in my family  due to how many of his recipes and methods we have adopted, and his coconut cake is the best I've had. The only amendment I made was that I used two coconuts, just to be sure I would have enough.

Coconut Cake with Fresh Coconut and Seven Minute Frosting

(Easter-ized)

 

Digger's Diary #6: Tomato/Pepper Panic, New Dirt

Latest updates:

1. EVERYTHING is up! Every seed I planted sprouted. Rather than planting more than one per pot, I just planted one seed per pot, and more than I needed. That way I don't have to thin them. I'll just keep the healthiest ones and give the others away (if anybody wants them). The tomatoes and peppers don't look so hot (I'll get to that in a minute), but the squash, cucumbers, watermelons, cantaloupes, marigolds, nasturtiums, and sunflowers are doing great. I didn't plant strawberries from seed, but the transplants I brought home from Lowe's are also doing well and have started to flower. Also one of my lavender plants is in bloom and the snapdragon looks great too.

  2. It's too cold for hardening off. Memo to self. Everything came back in. Christmas lights/kitty litter was reassembled. Le sigh.

3. After days of keeping an eye out, and sometimes actively searching for cinder blocks, I gave up over this weekend and just bought them at Lowe's. I have to say, though, that I'm not sorry. I set them in their spots around my planters and looking at the beds just makes my heart sing. Based on what I've seen from the strawberry pots, I'll definitely be lining the insides of the cinder blocks before I add the dirt. Cement is a thirsty animal.

 4. I bought a truckload of topsoil. It's not pictured here because it's still...in...the truck. I know you think I'm crazy and/or stupid for buying dirt, and maybe you're right. But I don't trust the quality of the dirt around my house, and this stuff looks good. And I WILL be taking it with us when we move. Along with my compost.

5. I'm trying desperately to help my sad-looking tomato and pepper plants along. I can't decide what they need. They're in the same conditions that are making my watermelons, cantaloupes, cukes, and squash thrive. I'm watering them regularly enough. Here's a picture of one of my tomato seedlings. Maybe one of you out there can help diagnose the issue.

 6. Supplementary to #5, I am moving my tomatoes and peppers from the newspaper pots to "greenhouses" made from upcycled milk jugs, based on this tutorial. Two blogs I've read have used these, with excellent results. Particularly in the tomato department. So.

Digger's Diary #5: Plants Go Outside

Greetings and sorry for the long silence! It's been a busy month, getting ready for spring. I'm pleased to report that almost all of my seeds germinated! And several of them now have "true" leaves in addition to their seed leaves. To recap, the seedlings I have right now are

2x cucumber
4x watermelon
4x tomato
4x bell pepper
8x lettuce

Flowers, cantaloupe, and squash in "greenhouse." This rig, with the lid on, sits inside on top of a heating pad until everything has popped up.

On Saint Patrick's Day I planted marigolds, nasturtiums, two kinds of sunflower, cantaloupe (or muskmelon), and yellow summer squash. They're germinating in the makeshift greenhouse as we speak. Also I purchased 6 strawberry transplants and put them in 3 of the 4 cinder blocks I've used to start my raised bed border. We'll see how they do; mixed reviews on the web.

Now for the most exciting news: my germinated seedlings are OUTSIDE. About a week ago I turned off the grow lights, removed the Christmas lights and almost all of the kitty litter, and moved my babies out into the world. Since then, they have been under the filtered light of the oak tree in our backyard, protected by two old windows I have teepeed over them. And the last two nights they've stayed out all night. I know I am probably babying them too much, but Y'ALL. It really is like what I imagine the first day of kindergarten feels like for parents. Also I didn't plant much more than I need, so it would be pretty tragic at this point to have a major loss. See update on this here.

Digger's Diary, Entry #4: I Humbly Buy Fluorescents

If you've been keeping up with my progress, you know I kicked off this venture with a plastic bin full of kitty litter and Christmas lights, with my seeds in seed starting mix in homemade newspaper/toilet paper roll pots on top, and a round grow light hanging above it all. It seemed like a darn fine system at first, for one who doesn't know what she's doing. And in fairness, the kitty litter/lights combo is probably ok, and the biodegradable pots work well. But that little light just isn't cutting the mustard when it comes to my newly sprouted seedlings. Remember those lettuce seedlings I was so excited about? Desperate to get to the out-of-reach grow bulb, they became leggy and weak, and I sealed their fate with my overzealous "everybody outdoors!" jaunt. Fjord. They are no mas.

Fortunately, the name of this game from the start has been "trial-and-error" (emphasis on the error), so onward we forge. Last night, with what meager monies remained in my bank account, I bought a cheap shop light and some fluorescent bulbs (like all of the reputable tutorials told me to do from the beginning. I know, I know). Once home, Adam helped me rig the light so it dangles 2-4 inches from the tops of my plants. They're happy now. Needy little things.

Before:

After:

Much better. And adjustable, so as the plants grow I can raise the light. (Yes, that's how close the lights have to be to the tops of the plants).

Also, for the guys that haven't quite sprouted (bell peppers, one tomato, a few lettuces, and a cucumber):

Plastic bin on top of a heating pad set to a low temperature, with sowed seeds inside. Warm and humid. Cozy, even.

What I learned: seedlings need coddling. Soooooo much emphasis on that. I didn't appreciate just how much. I thought they'd be tougher if I raised them with a bit of a laissez-faire attitude. NOPE. Don't do that, people. Seedlings are like kidnappers or terrorists. GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT. Your life will be easier.

Check the Gardening 101 section of my blog for some new links to websites that set me straight on seed starting.